Steven Hyde's Television Fantasies
by sandstorm1
Summary: Hyde starts fantasizing about Jackie while watching some of the gang's favorite tv shows. Takes place after D & K run off to California but before J & H hook up.
1. I Dream of Jeannie

Steven Hyde's Television Fantasies – Chapter 1 – I Dream of Jeannie 

DISCLAIMER:  I own nothing related to That '70's Show or I Dream of Jeannie.

Author's Note:  If favorably received, I plan for this to be a series of chapters each focusing on a different television show.  This was a bit rushed but hope you enjoy it.  Takes place after Donna and Kelso run off to California but before Jackie and Hyde hook up.

I Dream of Jeannie 

Hyde sat dejectedly on the sofa in Forman's basement.  This summer really sucks, he thought.  Forman's all depressed about Donna running off to California, Kelso's gone, therefore no one really to burn.  Fez was still around, thank goodness.  Unfortunately, so was Jackie.

Every day the little pixie showed up, watched television with them all day, then went home.  The weird thing was that she didn't really talk that much.  Of course, that was a good thing; at least he thought it was. Another positive point was that at least there was a good-looking woman around.  Hyde always appreciated looking at the ladies, even the spoiled, obnoxious ones - as long as they were hot. 

All they did was sit there all day and watch crappy TV.  Like today, for instance.  Forman was slumped on the couch with Fez sitting at the other end, happily eating candy, of course.  Hyde was in his usual chair.

"Oh, I love that Lucy.  She's so funny," Fez said.  "So, Hyde, what's on next?"

"Well, Fez, it's my favorite little blonde bimbo in a bottle.  It's Jeannie time."

Jackie flounced in the door just in time to hear the blonde bimbo remark.  "Steven, please explain to me why all of you men love blondes so much," she demanded angrily with her hands on her hips.

Hyde looked her up and down, admitting secretly to himself that brunettes could definitely be hot, too.  Especially when they were wearing thin little sundresses, which he noted were often transparent when the light was behind the wearer.  Like now, for instance.  Oh, yeah, those were definitely bikini panties.  Mmmm, good stuff.

"Steven, what are you looking at?" Jackie demanded.  "Are you stoned already?"

Hyde snapped out of his preoccupation with women's undergarments and gave her his best scowl.  "No, but I wish I was.  It might make your presence a little more tolerable."

Jackie plopped down in the lawn chair directly across the room from him and glared right back at him.  "Oh, be quiet, Steven.  Now back to my question.  I'll bet Michael's with some skanky blonde out there in California.  I just don't get it."

"I know, I know!"  Fez said, waving his hand in the air.  "Jackie, it is because blondes are notorious whores.  Everyone knows that.  You beautiful dark-haired ladies are the good girls who we must corrupt."

"Alright, shut up, you two.  Jeannie's coming on,"  Eric said.  "And she's all I have left."

Hyde slid back in his chair, preparing for some good navel-gazing.  His glance slid over to Jackie.  He watched appreciatively as she crossed her legs.  Too bad she doesn't wear shorter skirts, he thought.  A little thigh action would alleviate some of the boredom.

"Oooh Hyde, look, you can see Jeannie's legs through her transparent little harem pants," Fez exulted.  "I see sweet, delectable thighs.  Yum, makes me think of candy."

Jeez, is everyone thinking of gams today? Hyde thought to himself.  Midway through the show, Hyde felt his thoughts drift off…..

Fantasy Sequence:

Hyde comes into an apartment, dressed in an Air Force Uniform.  "Jackie, where are you?"

BOING!  Suddenly, Jackie appears in front of him, wearing a skimpy harem girl outfit.  Her wavy black hair was caught up in a ponytail on the top her head.  "Yes, Master," she said gazing adoringly up at him.

"Jackie, can't you just enter a room like a normal person?" Hyde said while admiring her pert little breasts which were partially visible through the gauzy material of her top.

"Oh, Master,"  Jackie said with a luscious pout.  "I'm sorry.  How can I make it up to you?"   

Hyde crossed his arms over his chest and looked down at her thoughtfully.  "Well, let's see…First of all, you're wearing way too many clothes."

BOING!  Jackie now stood before him clad only in tiny white lace bikini panties and bra.  Oh, and her slave bracelet, of course.  Always a nice touch, he thought.  Jackie as his own personal love slave.  Oh, the possibilities.

Jackie slipped her arms around his neck and pressed her perfect little body up against him.  She pulled his head down to hers for a long, delicious, passionate kiss.  His hands encircled her waist and then slid slowly around her to cup her sweet little ass and pull her even closer against him.  She squirmed provocatively against him and pulled back enough to start unbuttoning his jacket.  When that slid off onto the floor, she started working on his shirt and tie.  When the last button was undone, she ran her small, soft hands sensuously up and down his chest, fluttering her lips teasingly over his exposed skin.

She let out a startled little shriek when Hyde scooped her up in his arms.  "Let's go to your bottle," he said softly before hungrily kissing her again.  

"Oh, Master," she said breathily.  With a quick nod of her head and another BOING! they were in her sumptuously furnished bottle.  He laid her down on the soft cushions piled on the floor and crawled on top of her, preparing to settle in for a good long time.

"STEVEN!  Wake up!"

The sound of Jackie's voice pulled him from his reverie.  His eyes popped open to see her standing in front of him, staring at him with a puzzled look on her face.  He sat bolt upright, then shifted uncomfortably in his chair, and said, "What, uh, what's going on?"

"You must have dozed off or something while we were watching TV,"  Eric said with a grin.  "Come on, we're all going to the Hub.  Are you in?"

"Yeah, man," Hyde said with a confused look.  "I'll be outside in a minute."  He watched Eric, Fez, and Jackie head out the door.  Jackie glanced over her shoulder at him, giving him a puzzled look.  "Are you okay, Steven?  You look a little strange," she said with actual concern.

"Umm, yeah," he said.  "Just had a weird dream, I guess."  When Jackie left, Hyde shook his head and sighed.  I've really got to start getting out of the house more, he thought with a rueful grin.  And no more TV for awhile!  Especially not 'I Dream of Jackie'.  Jeannie, I mean, Jeannie!  Oh, crap, what's going on with me? he thought to himself, then quickly hurried out the door before any more evil thoughts or evil genies could overtake him.

End of Chapter 1.


	2. Chapter 2Gilligan's Island

Steven Hyde's Television Fantasies – Chapter 2 – Gilligan's Island

DISCLAIMER:  I own nothing related to either That '70's Show or Gilligan's Island. Too bad cause I'd be rich!

AN:  Another chapter in the continuing saga of Hyde's television fantasies.  Feel free to read, review, critique, and offer ideas.  Thanks! 

Another yawnfest day comes to a close and finds Steven Hyde fast asleep on his cot in the Forman's basement.  

_DREAM SEQUENCE:_

Jackie Ann was wandering aimlessly along the shore, looking wistfully out to sea, and thinking that she would most likely die a virgin if they never got off this damn island.  It had been two years already and she was starting to get really lonely. Donna Ginger had Professor Eric, Red and Kitty Howell had each other, Gilligan Kelso and Skipper Fez—well, neither one of them was tempting enough for her.  Jackie Ann suddenly noticed something lying on the beach several yards ahead of her. No, make that _someone_ lying on the beach.  

"Oh, my gosh!" she shrieked as she ran awkwardly through the sand.  She stopped a few feet away and looked with amazement at the figure lying face-up on the sand.  It was a _man!_  And a really _gorgeous_ man at that.  He had curly brownish-blond hair, a scruffy-looking beard, and gold hoop earrings in both ears.  Her gaze wandered downward to see that he was dressed in a thin, white, and very wet and clingy, shirt.  He also wore fawn colored breeches, again very wet and clingy.  Black, knee high boots completed the look.  "Oh, my goodness, he looks like a pirate!" she exclaimed, then dropped to her knees to cradle his head in her lap.

Captain Steven Hyde moaned and gradually regained consciousness.  He looked up to see a beautiful, dark-haired woman kneeling over him.  She was gently brushing his wet hair back from his forehead and saying softly to herself, "Thank you, Thank you, Thank you".  

"Arggh, Wench, you're a beautiful sight," he said as he struggled to sit up. 

"Oh, thank goodness you're okay.  Here, let me help you."  Jackie Ann began to pull him to his feet but he was much too heavy for her.  He swayed briefly before falling into her arms and knocking them both back on the sand.  Hyde found himself lying on top of the comely young woman. He could feel the heat of her body through his wet clothes.  _I be either dreaming or addled, _ he thought to himself.  _If only me head didn't hurt so badly, I'd_….

Suddenly, a shout rang out and Hyde saw a goofy-looking guy wearing a sailor hat come running out of the jungle.

"Oh, hey Mister, hey Mister, are you okay?  Oh, my gosh, let me help", said the scrawny fellow.

Hyde slowly got to his feet with the aid of his companions.  His petite brunette rescuer stood next to him, brushing the sand from her clothes and blushing mightily.

"Where the hell do I be?" Hyde said with a groan as a feeling of vertigo swept over him.

"You're on an uncharted desert isle," said the klutzy sailor who was attempting to help him walk further ashore.  "My name is Gilligan Kelso.  My friends and I have been stranded here for two years.  Do you have a ship?  Where did you come from?"  Gilligan continued to question Hyde relentlessly as they made their way into the interior of the island.  After a short distance they reached a well-maintained camp with several grass huts surrounding a campfire area.  

Before he could get his bearings, Hyde noticed several other people coming out of the huts.  It was a strange, yet oddly familiar, group of people that now surrounded him.

An odd fellow wearing a captain's cap stepped forward and said, "Hey, Little Buddy, who have you got here?"  

The entire group looked at Hyde with eager interest.  "I be Captain Steven Hyde of the good ship _Buelah._  Who the blazes are you people?"

The guy with the cap reached over to shake his hand vigorously.  "Well, Buddy, my name is Skipper Fez.  Glad to meet you."

A slender fellow with a funny haircut stepped forward and introduced himself as Professor Eric Forman.  _Ahh, he looks to be a right smart young fella, _Hyde thought.  _Best to keep me eye on that one._

Hyde was taken aback when a tall, voluptous redhead wearing a gold lame gown daintily shook his hand.  "My name is Donna Ginger Louise but I'm sure you recognize me from my films."  _Damn, these women do dress mighty strange_, he thought, while eyeing her bountiful cleavage.  Then he noticed how the scrawny professor guy possessively stepped up beside her.  _Blast_, Hyde thought, _the bonny baggage is taken!_  

From behind them peeked the black-haired wench who had found him.  "Hi, my name is Jackie Ann," she said while trying not to look at his hard, manly chest which was nicely displayed by his open shirt. Hyde caught himself staring at her because of her skimpy cut-off short-shorts and halter top.  _Shiver me timbers, boyo, that's a fine lookin' lass.  Even sassier lookin' than yon redhead._

The gang of castaways began bombarding him with questions until he finally held up his hands and asked if he could please have a bit of grog to slake his thirst.

Jackie Ann immediately rushed into the nearest hut and brought him back a coconut shell filled with a delicious coconut/pineappley brew  After he finished, he told them as much as he could remember.

"Well, mates, tis like this.  I was carryin' some cargo, uh hemp, aye let's call it hemp, and suddenly me ship was overtaken by Her Majesty's vessels.   The scurvy naves boarded me ship, seized the cargo, and threw me overboard.  When I came to on yer beach, this lovely lassie was cradlin' me head.  I thought I must've died and gone to heaven," Captain Hyde said with a raised eyebrow and smirky grin.  Jackie Ann blushed again and twirled one of her puppy-dog tails around her finger.  _I'd like to take you to heaven, you salty dog, _she thought to herself.

"Okay, everyone, I think we need to let Captain Hyde get out of those wet clothes and get some sleep," Professor Eric said.  

With that, Gilligan Kelso and Skipper Fez helped the captain make his way to the storage hut.  Jackie Ann stood outside the doorway and took his wet clothes from him while trying hard not to peek.  "I'll have these washed and dried for you by the time you wake up, Captain!"

Hyde lay back on his cot and covered himself with a flimsy cotton sheet.  _Ahh, _he thought to himself, _twould be grand to have that little black-haired wench lyin' beside me.  _ _Those tiny pantaloons would be off faster than she could say yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!  _With that pleasing thought, Cap'n Hyde drifted off to sleep.

Professor Eric and the others gathered around the fire to eat their evening meal of bananas, pineapple, and Jackie's special coconut soup.

"Okay, Professor, darling.  Please explain to us what an 18th century pirate is doing on our island.  Do you think they're making a movie somewhere around here?"  Donna Ginger asked with a sad sigh.  "I always wanted to be in a swashbuckler, you know."

"Yeah, Professor, what would a buckleswasher be doing here?" Gilligan Kelso asked while trying to sneak a peek down Jackie Ann's halter top.

"I can't account for it," the Professor said, "unless….that hurricane last week!  Perhaps it upset the space-time continuum and caused a wrinkle in time.  That must be it, Gilligan!  Our "pirate" must have jumped through time to get here.  If I could figure out how it happened, maybe I could find a way to move us back through time to just before we sailed on the _Minnow._  Quick, Gilligan, get my coconut radio so we can see if another hurricane is headed this way!"

The castaways worked on different theories and ideas until they were all exhausted and headed off to bed.  All except Jackie Ann, that is.

_I'll just peek in on our guest and make sure he's comfortable._ _He might be cold or need a drink or something.  Yeah, I'd like to give him something, _she thought to herself.  _Bad Jackie Ann!  Stop thinking about taking advantage of a poor, shipwrecked, extremely hot, and extremely naked sailor!  _Jackie Ann tried to shake these thoughts from her head as she slipped quietly into the storage hut.  She set her coconut candle down on a nearby box and sat on the edge of the cot, looking at the gorgeous sailor who had landed right in her lap, so to speak.  The thin cotton sheet was pushed down to his waist and one of his bare legs was pushed out from under it.

Unbeknownst to Jackie Ann, Captain Hyde had awakened when he heard footsteps nearing his hut.  Through slitted eyes, he was able to see a small, but definitely feminine, shape move toward his bed.  He closed his eyes and feigned sleep.  When she sat on the cot next to him, he could smell the scent of coconuts and pineapple.  He felt a small, soft hand gently brush the curls back behind his ear and lightly finger his gold hoop earring.  With a sudden movement, Hyde had seized her wrist and rolled her onto the cot.  She was lying partially under him and breathing heavily and somewhat fearfully from the surprise of his move.

"Oh, my goodness.  Please don't hurt me.  I meant no harm to you, sir!" Jackie Ann said pleadingly.

Captain Hyde held her wrists pinned above her head with one arm and pinned her lower body by throwing his leg over her thighs.

"Well, Lassie, what have we here?  Do you be thinkin' to rob me of me fine golden earrings?" he said with a grin.  "Or perhaps ye had somethin' else in mind.  Although, I've no means to be payin' ye, except with me undyin' gratitude."

"Paying me?  What are you talking about?  And get off me right now!"  Jackie Ann said with an angry huff.

"Ahh, don't struggle, lass.  You've no need to play the coy maiden with me.  Tis obvious from your state of undress what yer callin' be.  I've always had a soft spot for the soiled doves, so there be no need to pretend to be the innocent,"  Hyde said while looking at her pert, saucy bosoms as they heaved with indignation.  _Gad, she's a fine, feisty one, she is, _he thought to himself._  She'll give me a good ride and then a soft, warm place to lay me head afterward.  I'd pay a full sack of dubloons for her, if I still had me treasure!_

"Get off me, you arrogant son of a bitch.  I'm not a damn hooker," Jackie Ann said while using her hips to try to push him off her.  She suddenly froze when she felt something very hard and very big pushing against her thigh.  _Oh, my gosh, either that's a really big_ _blunderbuss or he's awfully glad to see me!_

"Hooker?  I'll not be wantin' to fish with ye, darlin', but I do plan on goin' for a dive" he said before lowering his head and smothering her gasp of outrage with his lips.  As he slowly and gently kissed her, he felt her struggles subside until she was kissing him back hungrily.  As he released her wrists and felt her arms slide around his neck, he pulled at the bow which secured her halter top around her neck.  His hand slid gently down her waist until he reached the odd pantaloons she wore.  Hyde was unsure of how to remove this strange garment when Jackie Ann reached down, undid the buttons, and began to push them down her thighs.  He helped her with rather more force than was necessary but his patience was nearing the breaking point.  As he lay poised above her, she looked up at him with eager eyes and swollen, lucious lips, and said,

"HYDE!  WAKE UP!"

Hyde awoke with a start to hear Forman banging on his door and yelling at him.  "Come on, man,  it's time for the Price is Right!  You better get up and dressed before Fez and Jackie get here."

Hyde fell back on his cot with a groan.  _Too late,_ he thought, _I'm already up._

THE END.


	3. Chapter 3Bewitched

SHTF – Chapter 3  

DISCLAIMER:  I own nothing related to Bewitched or That '70's Show.

BEWITCHED, BOTHERED, AND BEWILDERED

The gang is sitting in the circle:

"Okay, once and for all, Samantha wins hands down," Eric said authoritatively.  "I mean, seriously, we just watched her turn Larry Tate into a monkey.  No way can Jeannie beat that."

Hyde, thinking about his recent "Jeannie/Jackie" fantasy, was quick to disagree.  "Come on, Forman.  Jeannie is way hotter than Samantha.  At least her outfits are hotter."

"Steven, as usual, you have no fashion sense," Jackie interrupted.  "Samantha is classy and Jeannie's just, well, she's kind of trashy."

"Jackie, I must agree with you," Fez said.  "Samantha has really nice hair and wears pretty little shirtwaist dresses."

The gang gave him that look, and then Eric chimed in with, "Okay, Hyde. Yeah, Jeannie is hot but Samantha is damn fine.  I mean, she's all perky and sweet but simmering underneath.  Yeah, simmering like a witch's brew!"

Red's voice bellowed down the stairs, "Eric, turn that damn TV off and get your ass to bed.  And tell those other dumbasses to go home."

"Isn't he lovely?" Eric said.  "What a warm, paternal, loving…."

"Move it, dumbass!" Red yelled again.

"See you, guys," Eric said before vaulting up the stairs.  

"Come on, Fez.  I'll give you a ride home in my Dad's car," Jackie said while gathering up her coat and purse.  "Bye, Steven.  We'll see you tomorrow."

Hyde stumbled off to his tiny room, stripped down to his boxers and t-shirt, and flopped tiredly on the bed.  Ahh, a little well-deserved shut-eye after a vigorous day of slacking off.  He quickly drifted off into dreamland.

DREAM SEQUENCE:

Hyde arrived home from another busy day at the ad agency.  He really hated promoting the greed of corporate America, but damn the money was good.  Besides, he always tried to slip some subliminal messages into his ad campaigns.  Like when he inserted subtle subliminals in that ad for Calvin Kleiniken Jeans.  Women started reported that they had thoughts of wearing no underwear.  Yeah, that's good stuff, he thought.

"Oh, Steven, you're home," his sweet little wife said.  Jackie hurried out of the kitchen to give him a peck on the cheek and take his briefcase from him.  As usual in dreamland, everything was weird.  Jackie was dressed like Samantha and her black hair was styled in a fluffy turned-up bob.  He appreciatively eyed her legs, which were shown to advantage in her short sheath dress.

"Hey, Baby, how's my girl?" he said while pulling at the knot of his tie.  "Ugh, I hate wearing these damn suits."

Jackie eyed him up and down and then, with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes, twitched her nose.  Hyde found himself now wearing his old, worn-thin wife-beater t-shirt and his favorite pair of faded jeans.  He noticed with amusement that his underwear was missing.

"Ah, much better, Jacks.  Thanks," he said with a contented sigh.

Looking at him appreciatively, Jackie said, "My pleasure."  With another twitch of her nose, Hyde was sitting on the couch with Jackie on his lap.  She started kissing him sweetly and he could taste her strawberry lip-gloss.  He was just starting to slide his hand up her thigh under the hem of her dress when an annoying voice interrupted them.

"Derwin, stop that!  Jacqueline, get off that, that, _mortal_ this instant!" 

"Good to see you too, Endora,"  Hyde said.  Boy, his mother-in-law was really a witch.

"Mother, it's Steven, not Derwin!" Jackie exclaimed as she jumped to her feet and smoothed her dress down.

"Steven, Derwin, Stervin, whatever," Endora said with a haughty swirl of her robes.  

"Mother, what do you want?  I'm a little busy right now."

"Jacqueline, how could you possibly be busy?  When I was here this morning, you were lying on the couch, eating bon-bons, watching soap operas, and twitching your nose every time the clothes dryer buzzed."

"Mother, hush!" Jackie hissed while casting a wary eye at Hyde.

"Jackie, have you been using witchcraft again to clean the house?  I've told you that I forbid you to do that!"

"You forbid me?"  Jackie said angrily, glaring him with slitted eyes.  "How dare you, Steven Hyde!  I'm not some little genie in a bottle who you can boss around."

"Well, my work here is done," Endora said gloatingly.  With another swirl of her robes, she disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Jackie, dammit, I'm not trying to boss you around.  But when we got married, you agreed to try to be a regular, _mortal, _wife who does things the regular, _mortal, _way.  You can't go twitching your little nose every time you need to do something."

"Steven, I'll twitch my nose any time I like!  Like now, for instance."

In a flash, Hyde found himself transformed into a pig, a male chauvinist pig at that.

"Dammit, Jackie, stop doing that! _Oink! _This is not funny. _Oink, squeal, Oink."_  A long pause, then, "I'm sorry, okay?"    

Another twitch and he returned to his normal self.  "Jeez, Jackie, I really wish you would quit doing that.  It freaks me out."

"Oh, Steven, I'm sorry," Jackie said while giving him a hug and a soft kiss.  "I don't know what's the matter with me lately.  I just feel so cranky and out of sorts.  Maybe I'm coming down with something.  I was even feeling a bit feverish earlier.  That's the only reason I cheated by using witchcraft to do the housework.  Maybe I should call Dr. Bombay for a check-up."

She placed her hands on each side of her head with her fingers touching her temples.  

"Calling Dr. Bombay, 

 Calling Dr. Bombay, 

 Please come quick, 

 I'm being a bitch today!"

POUF!  The imminent physician appeared wearing his usual safari suit.  "Yes, yes, what's the trouble?  This better be important 'cause I was fixing one of Aunt Clara's latest mistakes.  I wish that woman would stop trying to turn mice into handsome footmen.  All she ends up with are mice with giant feet."

"Dr. Bombay, I need a check-up," Jackie said plaintively.  "I just haven't been feeling myself lately.  I've been snappish, grouchy, and a touch feverish."  

"Tut, tut.  Well, let's see now."  He began to pull bizarre instruments out of his leather medical bag.  He peered in her ears, smelled her hair, listened to her back and chest with a stethoscope, and then pinched her bottom.

"Ow!" Jackie said while rubbing her behind.  "Is that absolutely necessary, Dr. Bombay?"

"No, I just do that for fun," he said while sidling away from Hyde who was advancing on him threateningly.  "Well, my dear, you appear to have a case of Goodytwoshoesitis.  Here, drink this potion so I can be on my way.  Oh, dear, Serena's calling again.  This can't be good."  With a smoky POUF, he vanished.

"Jacks, are you okay?  What the hell is goodytwoshoesitis?"

"Steven, I'm fine.  I just need to let my hair down, so to speak."  With that, Jackie held her nose and proceeded to drink the potion down.  

Hyde watched in amazement as his sweet, classy, conventional Jackie was suddenly transformed.  Gone were her modest sheath dress, flats, and shellacked hair-do.  She now stood before him wearing a black lace bra, black lace bikini panties, and black stiletto heels.  Her long black hair was curling about her slender shoulders, its natural waves untamed.  She wore a black, conical shaped hat with a broad brim.

"Damn, is that you, Jackie?  What the heck is going…."  Before he could finish, he found himself lying flat on his back on their bed with Jackie straddling him.  He tried to reach up for her but found that he couldn't move his arms.  

"Just relax, Steven, and enjoy yourself."  She began to rub her hands up and down his arms, reveling in the feel of the muscles beneath his skin.  With a twitch of her nose, his wife-beater tee was gone and he was naked from the waist up.  His worn-thin, faded jeans were all he was left wearing.  Jackie trailed her index finger down his rock-hard stomach, her fingernail lightly grazing his skin.  "Mmmm," she purred softly.  Her finger lightly skimmed over the line of hair that ran from his belly button down to where it disappeared into his jeans.  "Did you ever notice that this little line is like an arrow on a map, pointing to the treasure?" she said with a sensual smile.  As he felt her small hands begin to undo the buttons on his jeans, he heard her say,

"STEVEN!  Are you in there?  Get up!  It's ten o'clock already.  The Price is Right is starting!"

_Dammit!_  Hyde thought with a groan.  I've got to start locking that basement door.  And I've _really_ got to stop spending so much time with Jackie.  This is getting ridiculous.  _And extremely frustrating!_    

End of Chapter 3.


	4. Wonder Woman Part I

Chapter 4 – Wonder Woman 

DISCLAIMER:  I've said it before and I'll say it again—I own nothing related to That '70's Show.  Not only that, but I also don't own anything related to Wonder Woman!  So there!

Author's Note:  This chapter ended up being very long so I've decided to break it up into two parts.  Part I is finished so I decided to go ahead and post it now.

Wonder Woman – Part I 

Another boring Friday night, Steven Hyde thought to himself.  Thank goodness Wonder Woman was on tonight.  He lay back on the couch and settled in to watch.  He hated to admit it, even to himself, but he was a bit lonely.  Eric was still sunk in depression and was spending the evening in his room writing crappy poetry about Donna. Fez was off stalking his latest crush, poor girl.  Hyde wondered where Jackie was.  Not that he cared, of course, it was just that he had gotten used to her always being around.  Well, without Jackie around, he could at least have some peace and quiet, although he did kind of miss her constant rambling.  Due to his recent nightmares featuring Jackie, he had started to notice that she had really grown up in the past few years.  In fact, she had grown up nicely and in all of the right places.  Dammit, he thought to himself.  Quit thinking about her!  The familiar refrain of the Wonder Woman theme song brought him back to reality.  

Alright, he thought.  Nothing like a little super-hero woman action to take his mind off a certain pint-sized and irritatingly hot little chick.   As the show progressed, however, Hyde found himself dozing off yet again.

DREAM SEQUENCE:

Agent Jackie Prince aka "Princess Jackie/Wonder Woman" entered IADC headquarters.  She strode directly to the Chief of Operations office, knocked briefly, and then entered.  Eric Forman, the scrawny yet brilliant spymaster, eyed her speculatively.  He was still amazed that this tiny young woman had proven to be one of his best operatives.  She couldn't have weighed more than 95 lbs yet she always managed to complete her missions, no matter how dangerous.  She was a bit too severe looking for his taste, he thought. Her black hair was pulled back into a severe bun; she wore nerdy black-framed glasses, and a severely tailored knee-length black skirt with matching black jacket.   A man-tailored white shirt with a thin black tie completed the outfit.  Jackie Prince was definitely all business.

He stood to welcome her then asked her to take a seat.  A quiet knock on the door and then his gorgeous secretary, Donna, entered.  Now she was more to his taste, he thought.  Tall, voluptuous, and with long red hair.  Made coming to work every day a pleasure.  Donna left a tray of coffee, gave Jackie a quick smile and wink, and then sashayed back out the door.

"Ms. Prince, I wanted to congratulate you again on your most recent mission.  Your success in capturing that South American spy was of extreme importance to our nation's security.  Who would have thought that he would have fallen for the "drugged candy" ruse?"

"Thank you, sir," Jackie said crisply.  "I assume you have a new assignment for me, though."

"Jackie, I do wish you would take some time off in between missions.  You're a young woman; you need to live a little.  Get out, have some fun," he said knowing full well she would refuse any vacation time.  She was so serious and business-like all the time.  He wondered if she ever let her hair down, both literally and figuratively.

"Thank you, but no, sir.  I'd rather be working.  I've no interest in frivolous activities."  She thought back to her one disastrous and short-lived affair.  After Michael, she had no interest in men.  She would never understand why they liked sex so much.

"Very well, then," he said with a sigh.  "I do actually need your help on something.  Have you heard of a theoretical technology called 'Hydromechanical Transportation'?"

"Yes, sir.  It's the theory that water can replace petrochemical products for use in both civilian and military transport vehicles."

"Exactly.  Well, this young fellow up at the University of Wisconsin has recently achieved a major breakthrough in the field."

"You mean…"

"That's right.  He's developed a car that can run on water!"  Eric shook his head in wonder.  "You see, of course, the military implications of such an invention."

"Of course, sir.  This would enable us to not have to rely on oil which would effectively eliminate the oil cartels' stranglehold over us."

"Yes, my dear.  And not just us.  The Soviets have been working on this for years but with no success.  The IADC is very concerned that this young professor could be in danger of being kidnapped by Soviet agents in order to 'extract' his secret formula from him."  

"Who is this professor?" Jackie asked curiously.

Eric handed her a slim manila folder.  "I'll let you study his dossier in depth later but I'll give you a brief run-down right now.  His name is Dr. Steven Hyde, Professor of Hydromechanics at UW.   He sometimes goes by his nickname "Wisconsin" Hyde. He teaches very little, having been engaged by the university to focus mainly on research."

Jackie opened the folder to see a photo of the young professor.  He had a mop of curly, unruly brownish, blond hair and a scruffy beard.  She felt a tingle run down her spine as she focused on his beautiful blue eyes.  Oh, my, she thought to herself.  

"Jackie, I need you to go up to the University and talk with Dr. Hyde.  We need to move him and his lab equipment to a secure location so that his work can continue under government protection. He's been very resistant to our requests so far so I need you to make it very clear to him that he no longer has a choice in the matter.  He will work for us, whether he wants to or not.  It has now become a matter of national security."

"I'll take care of it, sir.  I should be able to make him see reason," Jackie said decisively.

"Good.  I've taken the liberty of securing a seat for you on the 5:00pm flight from Washington to Madison.  I'll leave it to you on the best way to convince our young man that he must accept our offer of protection and assistance."

The two shook hands and then Jackie briskly exited the office.  A new assignment, she thought with relief, just what I needed to take my mind off feeling so lonely lately.  

Madison, Wisconsin 9:00 PM

Jackie Prince climbed out of her small rental car with a sigh.  She had gone to Dr. Hyde's home upon first arriving in Madison but he had not been home.  One of his neighbors told her that the Professor frequently worked very late at the university.  Jackie had finally managed to locate his lab, which was tucked away in an isolated corner of the campus.  The only other car in the deserted parking lot was a black El Camino.  Jackie's heels echoed on the pavement as she made her way to the sprawling one-story building labeled "The Burkhardt Laboratory".

The outer door was open and she cautiously made her way down a cluttered hallway.  She heard faint music coming from an area at the back of the building.  She entered a large laboratory area and pinpointed the music as coming from a small office in the back of the room.  As she stepped in front of the door, she could hear the music more clearly.  It was a group called 'Led Zeppelin'.  Jackie sniffed with disdain.  How could anyone listen to that stuff? she thought.  The Captain and Tennille were so much better.

She knocked firmly on the door and heard someone moving about.  The music stopped and she heard a voice say, "Just a second!"  When the door opened, a cloud of sweet-smelling smoke wafted toward her. The scruffily handsome young man from the dossier stood in the doorway.  He was wearing boots, faded jeans, a black tee shirt, and, as a nod to formality, a white lab coat.   For the briefest of moments, the two stared at each other.  Dr. Steven Hyde saw a severe-looking young woman wearing a skirted business suit and dark-framed glasses, with her black hair pulled back into a bun.  After her long day, some tendrils of hair had escaped and hung enticingly about her neck and temples.  Hyde looked her up and down and took in her trim figure.  Despite her business-like garb, Hyde could tell that she was definitely hot.  Oh, yeah, he thought to himself.  It's the stern librarian fantasy come to life.  Whoa, that was some really good stuff he had just bought.  He shook his head to clear it but the fantasy woman was still there.  Far out, he thought.

Jackie too was taken aback by the young man standing in front of her.  He was taller than she had imagined and his picture really hadn't done him justice._Oh, my gosh!  He's gorgeous!_ She thought to herself.  His dossier photo had not shown his broad shoulders, slim waist and nice arms.  She too shook her head in an effort to re-establish her focus.  Business, she said to herself, you're here on business.

"Dr. Steven Hyde?" she asked.  When he nodded, she introduced herself.  "I'm Jackie Prince from the IADC."  As their hands met for a brief handshake, she felt a spark of electricity run all the way up her arm.  Aggravated with herself for being affected by him, she said brusquely, "I believe you know why I'm here."

"Yeah, but you know, I already told your boss Forman that I'm not leaving.  I've got too much work to do and besides, I refuse to be a pawn of the government."

"Dr. Hyde, I really don't care to argue with you about this.  Your work is now a matter of national security and I must place you under my protection."

"I don't think so, Lady."  When she started to protest, he tskked at her and said, "You might as well just trot your pretty little fanny on out of here because I'm not going anywhere.  And by the way, tell Forman that the "honey trap" doesn't work with me 'cause I refuse to fall victim to the female race."  

Jackie felt her Amazonian Princess heritage take over.  "Don't patronize me, you arrogant _man_!"  She said the last word with all of the contempt she could muster.  

Hyde ignored her rant and ambled back inside his small cluttered office.  "Listen, Dollface, it's nothing personal.  I'm sorry you came all this way for nothing."  He turned to face her and thought for a second. "But you know, if you want to stick around for awhile, I'm not opposed to doing it," he said with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. 

Jackie walked right up to within inches of him, put her hands on her hips and gave him her fiercest look, although it was diminished somewhat by the fact that she had to tilt her head to look up at him.  "Dr. Hyde, I'd appreciate it if you kept your disgusting thoughts to yourself.  And you are going with me, whether you like it or not!"

He grinned down at her and said, "Mmm, you're saucy! Are you gonna handcuff me?"

Before Jackie could formulate her next indignant response, a sudden loud noise echoed down the hallway.  Four men dressed in black trench coats rushed into the lab and office area.  They were carrying submachine guns, which they immediately leveled at Jackie and Hyde.  The apparent leader of the group stepped forward.  "Professor Hyde, I presume?" he said with a guttural Russian accent.    

"Yeah, man. What do you want?"  Hyde said, his smoke-induced fog rapidly slipping away.  He stepped protectively in front of Jackie to shield her from the gun-toting thugs facing them.

"You will come with us, Professor.  We have need of information from you."

"I don't think so, pal.  Now you and your buddies need to get out of my lab."

"My dear Professor, you mistake me.  I am not asking, I am telling.  Boris, convince the gentleman."

With that, one of the larger thugs stepped threateningly toward Hyde.  When he grabbed at his arm, Hyde reared back and let fly with a good, solid roundhouse punch.  The brute wobbled for a moment and then fell to the ground crying out, "Ow, my eye!"

The sound of automatic weapons being locked filled the room.  Hyde found himself facing the business end of three very nasty-looking Uzi submachine guns.  _Oh, shit_, he thought.  Suddenly he felt two small hands pressing against his back.  "Move it, Curly Locks," Jackie said while pushing him none too gently out of the way.

The Russian thugs lowered their weapons and began to chuckle at the sight of the very angry and very small woman facing them.  Suddenly Jackie began to spin rapidly.  An explosion of light obscured her briefly and when she appeared again, she was dressed in a red, white, and blue outfit that showed off her delicately feminine curves to great advantage.  Her black hair fell in lush curls about her slender shoulders but was held back from her face with a gold tiara.  Her blue and white short-shorts were cut very high on her legs and her red and gold top was strapless and very low-cut.  High-heeled boots completed the sexy ensemble.

Dr. Hyde broke the stunned silence of the group of men. "Far out, man!"  

The Russians raised their weapons and began to fire at the Amazonian princess.  She deftly blocked their bullets with her wristbands, which were made of solid feminum.  The thugs, realizing they were overmatched, beat a rapid retreat out of the building.

Princess Jackie turned to face the stunned and admiring professor.  "So, Dr. Hyde, would you like to reconsider coming with me?"

"Whoa, that was really cool, baby", he said while sneaking a peek down her top.  This girl was hot _and_ tough!  

"Doctor, we have no time for this.  I suggest we leave now before they decide to return and try again."

"Listen, sweetheart, like I told you before, I'm not going anywhere," Hyde said stubbornly and turned to head back toward his office.  He heard a whistling noise and stopped suddenly as he felt a golden lasso settle around him.  When it was pulled tight, his arms were effectively trapped against his waist.  "What the hell!" he exclaimed.

Princess Jackie slowly tugged on the golden rope and pulled him effortlessly toward her. "Professor, you misunderstand me.  I'm not asking, I'm telling," she said with a smirk of her own.

"Damn, woman, you sure are bossy!" Hyde said ruefully.

"You have no idea," Princess Jackie said smugly.

End of Part I.  This chapter started getting so long that I decided to break it up into two parts.  Hope you enjoyed it so far.


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